Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Letter to My Girls: Khayla (34 months) & Khadeeja (10 months)

To my two most favourite little girls in the whole wide world,

Almost a year has passed, it's almost unbelievable how much you both have grown since then!

This month has been a bittersweet moments for all of us. In my high hope of graduating this year, we had to make a painful decision of sending you girls to stay with Makyeng. The day you girls went away will always be etched in my mind like an ugly scar - Khayla crying while Khadeeja didn't even have the time to react. I'm so sorry sweetie, but I certainly hope that you girls are having fun being around Makyeng.

Khadeeja my independent baby,

This month you started walking. Walking, Khadeeja! At 10 months old, I must say, you really take after me in that department! To be frank, you have started to walk at 9 months but those were unintentional because when you realize that you are taking a few steps you lost balance and fell down.

But now you are pittering-pattering everywhere according to Makyeng. She sent a video of you walking from the shoe cabinet to the living room, and when you almost fell, you reached out to the wall and balanced yourself. You could pick yourself up, standing on your own and taking those cute albeit clumsy baby steps, at 10 months old! High-five, sayang! *clap hand*

Something that I didn't expect is you are starting to practice your speech. You knew how to call me by 9 months but this month, you even started to count! I almost fell of the sofa when I saw the video of Makyeng counting '1,2...' and you promptly answering Makyeng, 'Weee....' (three!) Khadeeja, leave some of those baby moments for me, will you?

My Deeja-licious cupcake,

One thing that I was so concerned and dreaded when you went back with Makyeng was how you were going to fare being away for long period without direct breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is your most favourite pastime! You can't sleep without it, cry endlessly and most stubbornly as well as passionately for it... And suddenly, you had to stop.

Makyeng said the first few days were challenging because you rejected pacifiers as well, but after 3 days you were okay. I was relieved of course.

Then another challenge came up - how to re-establish direct feeding after 2 weeks away from you. The first few hours were pure anxiety as you seemed to 'forgot' what to do - you grinned adorably but most frustratingly, and then you turned your head away and refused to suckle. I coaxed, and coaxed, and even got bitten as you slowly recalled how to, but eventually when I was almost bursting into tears from sheer frustration, you became sleepy and finally opened your mouth and suckled most contentedly like you've always done before we were separated!

From those moments until I went back to KL, you were most contented snuggling close to me and nurse yourself to sleep. I know that deep down you miss me so much, it breaks my heart :(

Moving on my little one, 

As we celebrate Hari Raya Haji this month, we finally get to carried out your aqiqah. Although there was no special ceremony or berzanji for your aqiqah, the most important thing is we no longer owed you your aqiqah. I still feel quite bad for you but hey, I stayed home to look after you instead of sending you to daycare right?

Some day precious child, you will understand and hopefully appreciate the meaning behind this sacrifice.

Next, to my beloved firstborn, Khayla,

When you are not around my angel, it's like my world is plunged to darkness - it's a quiet and depressing world without your delightful presence.

You are simply that, beautiful. The sunshine that brightens up any day, so full of happiness and mischief, so affectionate yet fierce...

Angel,

At this age you have more or less become more social and outgoing compared to when you were little. I still remember your babysitters and teachers telling me how much you hated people touching you, that you cried every time it happened. 

Now? You held hands with other kids at the playground even though they are strangers, you played chase and laughed and when it was time to leave, you waved bye-bye. Of course, that was after begging and negotiating with us, 'Last one?' for I don't know, the umpteenth time?

I noticed besides getting better at expressing yourself with words, you have also gained understanding on other's feelings. Like the last time we visited you girls, I was coughing badly in the car and you automatically reached out and patted me in the back. You knew that I was not okay so patting me was your way of helping me feel better. I'm so touched, love!

But the best thing about you Khayla, is you never grew out of your affection and 'manja-ness', always asking for a cuddle even more than adik. To me, you are and always will be my baby.

Happy 34 months & 10 months birthday, sweethearts. 

Love you girls forever,

Mak