I'm having a 'blank' moment. That is one of the moment when I can't think of what to write which is quite frustrating. After mulling over my 'Masters' proposal for 3 days, I am now forced to divert my attention to my real job - to oversee contents for a travel newsletter. The only things still missing are the editorial and the front page article. Bother, bother.
Yesterday after work I took a commuter to Midvalley to meet up with a friend I knew from my uni days, Magic. She now writes the travel articles for my newsletter and that saves me a lot of trouble begging the airlines' to submit destination articles to us. She brought along a friend, also a photographer, and they discussed a business idea together. Even though their discussion did not involve me, I found it interesting (just watching Magic talked, and boy she's an eloquent speaker, is fascinating enough).
Ever since I dropped out of debating activities in 3rd year, I've lost the confidence to speak in public and become the shy person I was before that. I didn't realize how bad it was until I noticed that I start to stutter whenever somebody spoke to me and I tend to mumble when I talk with someone who is superior or those I regard as superior to me.
It becomes worse if someone prompts me to repeat what I uttered earlier because my anxiety would grow worse and I become self-conscious that I had said something unintelligible. Trump has the habit to stop me in mid-sentence to ask, 'Come again? What?' so I ended up stammering and having the look of horror and panic on my face. Of course it saved me from further interrogation, but it made me cringe and feel awfully miserable at the lack of my confidence.
What embarrasses me the most is the fact that my grammar would be all over the place even though I am a fairly competent person in written English. The same thing also happens once in a while when I speak in Malay so it's terribly awful because for goodness sake, Malay is my first tongue! Could it be that I have lost the ability to converse in whatever languages?
I hope and hope-to-die, that whatever's stopping my tongue to speak flawlessly will soon be overrid and I will no longer make a fool of myself when talking to other people.
Any idea, people?
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