Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Kekecewaan Selama 1 tahun

Menonong aje, tak tau nak wat aper. Dah malas nak keje. Semalam aku gi interview. Interview nih membukak mata yang sebenarnya, aku bukan dah UPGRADE, tapi dah DOWNGRADE.

Aku dah tak macam dulu. Someone who's energetic, resourceful, dilligent, optimistic, eager, cheerful, hardworking, and confident. That WAS me.

Tapi lepas keje kat sini, aku dah jadi... tak bersemangat, negatif, selalu buntu, hilang fokus, tak amik peduli, moody, pesimis, & yang paling menyedihkan, hilang kepercayaan diri. Semua nih aku dapat rasakan terpancar dari diri aku masa tengah di'interview'.

'Do you think that you have improved tremendously after working in your current company as compared to when you were a fresh graduate?' Aku terkebil2. Gugup.

'Erm.. I definitely think so.' Definitely + think so. Betapa kelam-kabut & tak fokusnya.

'What skills have you gained after that one year working experience?'

Susah... susah nak jawab. Kiteorang dah di'rotate' ke terlalu banyak department, dalam jangka masa yang terlalu hampeh pendeknya (department sekarang cuma 2 minggu je!), sampaikan tak sempat nak betul2 gain apa2 skills yang berguna.

What can I tell them? Oh yeah, now I know what's Corporate Communications all about, like the back of my hand. 'Oh really? What major communications activities have you done single-handedly?' TAK DE APA2! I wrote proposals for corporate diary, corporate calendar, cut news releases, processed registration forms for conferences, faxed news releases to media... all admin. stuff yang tak perlukan apa2 skills.

'So you've been in Finance. What do you do?'

'I assist in the...' Aku try nak ingat balik apa yang aku buat kat dalam Finance.

'... keying in the a**** revenues.'

'Did they let you use the finance system?'

'No. Because I'm not a permanent staff.'

So apa yang aku buat kat Finance dulu ek? Tetiap ari key in revenue je ke? Camane orang buat tender? Camane purchasing procedure? With sinking heart, I realized that I have wasted one month of my life just keying in revenue. Dieorang tak tunjuk / benarkan aku buat keja selain tu sebab mengganggu tugas harian dieorang. While the Finance Manager tak tau pun aku kat dalam department dier sepanjang aku di'rotate' ke Finance.

Paling memalukan, aku tak tau apa2 tentang aktiviti HR. Teori of course, dah hilang dari otak. Kalau nak mintak tolong nasihat in Employment Act, aku dah lupa semuanya sebab tak penah praktis. Camane menguruskan EPF withdrawal, caruman EPF by employer, SOCSO, bagi pampasan kat pekerja yg terlibat dalam eksiden, & mengira leave, sumer tu tak penah aku tau sebab aku cuma mengabiskan satu bulan (seminggu kira OT, 2 minggu call orang utk attend interview & interview budak praktikal.

Then, kalau in next interview dieorang nak tau how's my experience in HR, aku nak cakap apa??

What if, in my next interview, they want to know what I have done for the past 1 year?

'Oh I was in Corporate Communications, acting hectic & busy, & creating scandals. Then I was transfered to Finance for one month, keying in a**** revenue. After that, I was in HR for another 1 month, manually counting the OT & calling up people for interview (macam receptionist ek?). Uh, HR does not use any system. I think it's because the company's really small (managing big business). Once 1 month is up, I was in Technical, doing business development project instead. And proposal for a carnival which did not happen in the end. '

'Then I spent two months in retail, where the 1st week was spent begging for job, proposing a commercial idea to companies where after only 1 week, the idea was pulled out & I just wasted one week of life calling up these companies. Somehow, I knew I gained some skills in renovations work. At least I know what's DB box & water inlet / outlet. And my letter writing skills are superb, mind you. I've sharpened them during my stint in this department. Next, I'll be in Security (haha! I know, I know, it's the biggest joke, coz the SEcurity Manager only requested for us to be rotated in the department as a joke, which HR took seriously. Tell me about it). After that I'll be in GH (hauling baggages around, I believe, & selling tickets). And lastly, in RFS (I think this is more to answering calls). Pretty useful work experience, kan?'

Jarang apa yang kiteorang lakukan, diimplementasikan. Proposal berlambak2, tapi semua tak pakai. Aku ingat lagi macam nak rak aku ngan Chairman buat bajet untuk karnival tu. Akhirnya jadi just another piece of artwork. Lawa giler bajet tu. Berwarna-warni. Tapi tak pakai. Aku penah tak tido semalaman menyiapkan proposal utk inventori, sebab Trump cakap aku bley blah kalau aku tak submit proposal tu keesokan harinya (walaupun aku nak blah, tapi baki akaun bank aku tak mengizinkan aku nak blah). Akhirnya dah jadi pakar buat proposal. Boleh bukak kompeni siapkan proposal macam nih.

'What trainings have you attended?'

Gosh, heavens. Nama je trainee, tapi cuma dihantar ke satu je training bersama2. Cukup kelakar training program nih.

Ah, apapun, aku kena bangkit semula, mengumpul semangat, membuat persediaan sebab peluang selepas nih ialah peluang yang aku penah terlepas, & it's back in my hand. This is my dream, I can't let it go again.

Aku perlu menceriakan diri-sendiri, so bila aku datang ke interview, senyuman aku tak dipaksa2 & tak dibuat2. Aku kene mencari kecemerlangan dari semua pengalaman yang hampeh tu, supaya dieorang percaya aku dah achieved something (out of nothing!). Aku perlu menganalisis peluang tu, supaya bila dieorang tanya, aku bersedia ngan jawapannya. Menganalisis kompeni sekarang, supaya dieorang tau walaupun baru setahun dalam kompeni nih, tapi aku dah faham rasional kewujudannya.

Aku ingin jadi aku yang dulu.