Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Unsettled.

I feel complain-ish.

I remember feeling this emotion only when I was in debating community. When I first joined debate, I got on the wrong end of one of the senior debaters and somehow I bore a gloomy impression on debate meetings till I decided to end my debating life prematurely (as Rajan claimed). I loved debating, but I always felt eggy whenever I was around anyone in debating community. Then something happened, and I swore off debating forever.

Then I resumed my happy-as-a-lark life towards the end of my university life. I was rarely down, I was forever laughing. Seriously, one of my friends even made a joke on how easily I erupted into a hearty laughter at the slightest thing that amused me.

Only when I started work at my current job, I seemed to shed the happy person I was to become someone somber, always worried, always keeping a distant between myself and the surroundings.

I am not happy but I don't know what causes this unhappiness. My pay cheque is better than any of my friends, I have free access to the Internet, I've met good friends whom made life even more bearable.

I feel like my work is meaningless. The inter-department relations are so exhausting that I dread having to ask for their help. My work is so menial that I don't have to use my brains to do it and here I worked hard at graduating with a first-class degree only to spend my time preparing souvenirs, ordering stuffs, hauling boxes of things around, writing memos, processing payment, photocopying...

The whole programme defeats its purpose that I believe none of us find this job interesting anymore. I think this is what they call boredom at work. Burnout. I don't know.

I feel so exploited.